I gave some tears to Brother Michael this morning,
It wasn’t my intention
As I steadied my mind to do battle against the world
My heart plucked intentionally from my sleeve
Placed with care deep inside my chest, just behind my nerve
Right before the place where I hold my dreams
Having grown weary of the world
Finally wise to its devilish trickery
I readied my scowl of earnest that
Masquerades daily as a smile
I looked to the sky and The Creator for my sword and shield
Then drew back my armor - with unknown aim
Towards what waits,
“Why? Why? Tell’em that it’s Human Nature”
The tender falsetto weighed my tracks and weakened my grip
“If they say why? Why? Does he do me that way?”
The thump inside of me quickened
The swell within my throat called forth and released
The King is gone…
It was now real.
The tears I’d given Thursday afternoon were of disbelief
I knew nothing else of what to do
The tears I gave Sunday were for the rhythm
As it pulsed through my body asking for celebration
The salty streams that flowed freely yesterday
Carving peaks and valleys in foundation down my cheeks, staining my blouse
Those were for Paris
Whose childish candor reminded us he was not ours and ours alone…
But this morning,
On this glorious morning of God,
Those tears were for the first crush I ever had
Those tears were for my earliest memory of 1138 Dodge Ave.
Wondering of this ‘Billie Jean’
Watching in amazement at the red leather coat walking on the moon
I loved him first.
Even as we both grew…and changed
I loved him still.
Angry at the physical that was beyond my understanding
This morning I gave tears the Brother Michael
To the glove,
To the floods/white socks/loafers,
To the bandaged fingertips,
To the crotch grab,
To the innocence,
To the wisdom,
To the small place buried deep inside of me that’s pulsing with shame
At the jokes.
At the ridicule.
At the outward abandonment.
This morning I gave tears to Brother Michael for everything I don’t yet know to say
I gave tears
“Why? He asked why does she do me this way?”
I gave tears because it’s Human Nature…
THEflyGIRL – July 10, 2009
